It seems like whenever I have something really important to share on this blog, I shy away from it, because I somehow feel that I'm never going to get my point across perfectly. Instead, nothing that I want to say is expressed, and the whole argument is dead before it ever even got a chance to speak.
Tonight I will be brave. Tonight, I will combat that fear, and begin to share this message. It's about homeschooling. I could add and edit it for a million years, and it would never say everything that needs to be said, nor convey every idea clearly that resounds within me. But I'm going to begin, because this is just TOO important to ignore any longer.
I run the risk of rambling. My mind is overflowing with emotion and thoughts that are interwoven tightly, and the path from point A to point B might veer wildly. For this, I apologize in advance. I also apologize for those of you who read this, and feel that I've left out a very important topic, or that I've missed the mark by a long shot. Please feel free to comment. Perhaps I won't even come close to getting it all out, and I'll continue with another entry. Look, I'm already three paragraphs into it and I've said pretty much nothing at all!
Does that give you a sense of how terrified I am to begin? Here goes nothing:
I homeschool my two boys, identical twins, age 10. We are finishing up our second year of homeschooling after four years of private education.
I was once a certified secondary teacher in the state of Michigan in the areas of Math and French. I have taught at the college level (including Calc II at a Big Ten school as a TA with my own recitation classes), public high school, private school, remedial summer school, private tutoring, and now, of course, homeschool. I've participated in educating children at more levels than most people. With my own experience serving as insight, I must say that the best way to educate children is...
...are you on the edge of your seat waiting for me to tell you?
Well, I won't. And I could never dream of such a thing. Because education can succeed gloriously or fail miserably in any setting. Which is most reliable? Most successful? Impossible to say. We don't have time machines to go back and make different decisions to see how they'd turn out. Yet, our human arrogance makes us think we can tell good decisions from bad decisions.
Have you ever met two children that are so alike, the exact same circumstances for both of them produce identical results? Certainly not...every child is miraculously unique. Even if a particular method (be it discipline, parenting, or even diet) works for most children, we still owe it to the child for whom it clearly does NOT work to offer them an alternative, if we can.
I think most people are on board with me up to this point. The only dissenting opinion, I think, could be that children should learn to "fit in" despite whatever challenges they have with the standard. I strongly disagree. My argument (take it or leave it) would be that a child will grow into a well-adjusted adult if raised in an environment that nurtures a sense of self-worth and where the child feels loved. Not all children will feel that they fit in all the time, no adult does , either! But if they're valued as they are, and that it's ok to be different, and taught that differences make our lives richer, they could be quite content, and still feel like a contributing member of the micro-society they're participating in.
And apart from the unique individuals that trust us to care for them and teach them how to find a place in the world, whole family dynamics are also completely unique. For example, in my household, my husband has a very demanding job. He is out of the house before six, often working from a home office prior to leaving, and he's usually home around 8 pm. Sometimes between 7 and 8. It's not rare for him to be on a conference call as he walks in the door, or off and on through the evening. When the boys were in private school, they would go several days a week without seeing him, and when they did, it was very brief, and usually just a kiss goodnight. Now that we homeschool, we've been able to adjust our schedule so that we begin school later, and the boys go to bed around 10 pm. It was beautiful to see our family change, as we ate a meal and spent time together every evening. Even if we were just watching something silly and laughing together on TV, we were together, often cuddled on the couch.
This wasn't the reason that we chose to homeschool, but it's an example of how each family's situation is different, and each child's needs are also unique. So my question is, why is there such a desire to make judgments on decisions about how someone chooses to educate their child or children???
And homeschoolers, I'm afraid, are blatantly bullied and persecuted for their choices. Behind our backs, and to our faces. By our families, other educators, the media, and sometimes the government. I won't go into examples, as it would probably raise my blood pressure and turn this into an angry piece, which I really don't want it to become, but it's time for that bullying and judgment to end. Some people assume any trait in the child (which they see as a flaw), is a result of the homeschooling situation. Snap judgments are made, usually with absolutely no background information at all.
Take, for example, the ever-exploited argument about socialization, or the reputed lack thereof for this minority. Yes, there are some children who are homeschooled that may not be social butterflies. But why automatically blame it on homeschooling? I've seen many children completely shut down in a conventional school setting because of a number of issues. Public schools and private schools of all types can create a social issue for a child. Perhaps this child with the so-called problem learned this behavior in another setting, and the parent is trying to correct the problem the best way they know how? Maybe that child is loads better than they were two years ago, after being in a more supportive environment. Maybe the problem IS homeschooling. Or maybe the child is JUST SHY or JUST QUIET, and would be so no matter what? And so what??? Being shy, quiet, careful, observant...these aren't bad traits. In fact, they are necessary within our race to maintain balance. You'll find radical differences in personalities of animals as well--it doesn't mean there's something wrong, or something that needs to be corrected. Most of our greatest geniuses would have been labeled as "misfits" or "unsocialized" by today's standards, where we want everyone to fit a mold. Not everybody can be a jock or a sales guy or a beauty queen or a cruise director. Let's have a little less criticism for our children and their uniqueness! Give them the incredible gift of an environment where they will be comfortable and flourish!
And that environment might be anything! But can we please stop judging individual parents' rights, and criticizing their children? For Pete's Sake! And yes, I do acknowledge that this understanding and tolerance needs to go both ways. I do know homeschoolers who question why parents don't pull troubled children out of school, or ask how a family can expose their children to the harshness of a non-home setting. And of course, I don't think that's right; they are in the wrong as well. It all needs to stop! Because really, at the heart of it, I think most of the issue comes from us feeling like others are judging us, so we judge them back, and it's a vicious circle!!!! That, and we are currently caught in an era where parents are often feeling guilty, or overly questioning their decisions. Like there's a clear answer to every question--as if! Listen to your child, trust your instincts, and make changes where you can, if needed. Be flexible. And forgiving. Trust yourself, trust God, trust the universe, whatever "faith" means to you, have it! Because all of this self-blame and doubt just gets projected outwardly onto each other.
Hmmm. That sounds like a conclusion. And I guess it is, to the philosophical rant. But there are some other very real things I'd like to clear up--hence my "In Defense of Homeschooling" title. Please know that I plan to address some common myths and answer questions people often ask me about homeschooling only. In no way do I mean to project homeschooling as the right choice for you. Just gonna debunk and share. :D
1. Homeschoolers are not socialized enough.
First of all, what is the measure for a proper amount of socialization? A friend once said to me that it seems like schools take advantage of a child's desire to be with other children. Yes--children should be with peers. But for how long? Eight hours a day? Or is an hour a day enough? A couple of times a week? Should 30 children be randomly selected to be in a room for 40 hrs a week? Some kids seems to thrive on it, while for others, it's a nightmare. That's for you to decide what will benefit your child.
Personally, my children are interacting with many more children than they ever did when they were in private school. They also are participating in a variety of activities--formal settings, classroom settings, free play. We are in an area that happens to have a very large homeschooling population (despite the wonderful public school option we also have), and the boys are in Homeschool Elementary Chorus, Homeschool Intermediate Orchestra, Wushu (a martial art), youth theatre, swimming classes, dance class, homeschool ski club, and an active, more intimate group of peers with whom we go on field trips, celebrate holidays, go to parks, play board games, and get together on the weekends as families. These groups mentioned are not all exclusively homeschoolers, either, so there is plenty of exposure to children from other educational backgrounds as well. In addition to these socializing activities, there are regular drop-in events we can choose to go to, such as homeschool bowling, homeschool skate, and co-op classes, which we never seem to have time for. Most of the homeschool families that I know are just about as active as we are. There are some, I'm sure, who probably stay home, but that works for them! Let the myth go! Most homeschooled kids are not at home stuck in isolation.
We were far more isolated in private school. My children are so sensitive to everyone else in their surroundings (emotions, sounds, activity levels), they were completely exhausted at the end of every school day. They couldn't even talk about their day. Very low energy all afternoon, once they got home. It was too taxing to go to the park after school, or have a play date--we tried. Just too tired. With homeschooling, they are socializing in dosages that work much better for their own endurance levels, and having a more positive experience as a result.
And why are conventional ways of schooling not criticized nearly as often for anti-socialization? It happens! But for some reason, it's wildly popular to pick on homeschoolers for this, but heaven forbid one should point out the social damage that also can be present in other settings! The child who faces the lunchroom every day with fear and feelings of abandonment? The bullied child who self-destructs or becomes violent?
2. Homeschooled children are at an academic disadvantage or are pushed too hard.
Take your pick! LOL! This one is actually quite funny. I'm sure there are plenty of examples of any scenario you'd like to argue. Let me put your minds at ease that there are many studies which show homeschooled children are high achievers, academically. IF you care for statistics...I don't. When it comes to your own child, all the statistics in the world really don't matter. I can share with you our own experience, though. Because we homeschool, I am able to fine tune the boys' education in such a way that we get tons done in a small amount of time--we are very efficient. This opens up many more opportunities for extra-curricular, or choice studies. For example, private music lessons (they each play two instruments), foreign language study, extra time exploring the subjects they love, extra time outside each day, more field trips, and for us, because we were used to paying $15,000/year for tuition, it gave us lots of extra cash flow for those things, plus laptop computers, vacations, etc. (Again, a beneficial family dynamic at work here...allowing us to pay down more of our debt, have financial flexibility, build great family memories integrating school topics into our vacations, etc).
Wow...I still have SOOOOOO much more to say. I feel like I've just touched the tip of the iceberg. I'm going to have to make this Part I! I'll continue with what home education looks like on my next blog! In the meantime, please feel free to comment, ask questions, or pose topics for me to address....
In the light!
Julie
