But That's Not FAIR!!!

How many times have we heard this cry?

And so many times have we heard the harsh answer, "LIFE's not fair!" A bit of a cop-out response, if you ask me, but brutally truthful.

During my years of teaching, I heard this protest many times from my high school students, sometimes directed at me. Yet I didn't cringe, nor did I give the flippant above response. High school is such a precious, treasured, special time in a young adult's development; they really need to talk through the concept of fairness (and the myriad other issues they're trying to figure out). Those teenage protests and the many questions and honest discussions that come from them can really help form the mold for the type of adult they will choose to be.

In the end, I usually let them come to the conclusion with me that indeed, life isn't fair, but it was important that they follow the steps logically to this end. I knew that if I taught this lesson well, it would behoove them greatly in their future, hopefully preventing a lot of bitter feelings. Now, certainly, in a span of 5 hours where I see 150 students a day, I couldn't always go through this teaching, but I would invite them to discuss it with me at a later time. "Yes, I completely see why that would feel unfair to you. I'd really like to discuss it with you later, when we have some time to really look at it." I wasn't always taken up on my offer, but when I was, it went something like this...

Let's take one of the more common problems...missing homework. My homework policy said that each marking period (there were 4 per school year), each student was allowed two "freebies"...that meant they could receive two zeroes, and it would not affect their grade whatsoever. No reasons or excuses needed. If the student did not use all their zeroes, they got extra credit for having all assignments completed...a little bonus. BUT, once you used your zeroes up, there were no more excuses for having missing homework. That's right...NO excuses. So, as you can probably predict, many students would use up their two freebies when they really didn't need them, then something serious would come up, and it would hurt their grade. That felt very unfair to them. "You mean I broke my leg at practice and spent all night in the hospital, and you're going to give me a zero???"

Yes, I am.

"But that's not FAIR!"

And thus we arrive at our heart-to-heart discussion. We talk about the nature of "fairness". We talk about perspective. We talk about what's realistic on a macro and micro scale. In the end, the student always agreed, although often reluctantly, that the system was about as fair as it could get...that if I were to try and make judgments on every homework situation, A) I wouldn't have time to hear all the cases every day, B) there would be much more opportunity for bias, as I'd be trying to decide what was fair and what wasn't, even though I'd never be able to know the whole story, and C) some people would take advantage of the allowances, and make false arguments.

Sometimes "fair" is not really fair...and truly, if you want to be picky about it, there really isn't such a thing as fairness...because it's so extremely subjective and based on perspective. Very similar to yesterday's blog, which talks about there being as many "religions" as there are individuals.

I'm hearing cries of "fairness" constantly in the media and political propaganda these days. Budget cuts should be "fair", or taxes should be "fair", and all kind of judgments on what is fair and just. It's really quite ridiculous. It's fairly simple to construct an argument for why any answer is not at all fair for some reason. I never claimed my classroom system was always fair, but it worked for most people most of the time, rewarded positive behavior, and penalties, even unfair ones, were minor (one zero in a whole term of homework assignments is a very miniscule portion of a grade).

I really wish we would stop trying to be so "fair", and stop demanding "fair", and rather find something that seems to work the best with the minimal amount of damage done, and hopefully is reasonable and unbiased.

One of my very favorite parables in some sacred works deal with this issue of fairness...for Christians, it's the parable of the workers in the vineyard, but there's a very similar parable in the Hadith (volumes of sacred Islamic text which record the narrations of Muhammed and the cases he tried). This Wikipedia entry lays them out side-by-side if you're interested in seeing them: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_Workers_in_the_Vineyard

A very brief summary is that a man hires workers in his vineyard for the day--some work a full 12-hr day, some only 1 hour, and several in-between. At the end of the day, they are all paid the same amount, regardless of how long they worked.

There is, as you might expect, a big outcry! "Why do they deserve the same compensation as we, who have toiled all day, while they have barely broken a sweat?" (my paraphrasing).

Surely few would argue this is FAIR? Here we go again, placing judgment on a situation, on a person...some might argue that those who worked 12 hours should be paid MORE than the others (although they agreed to that wage at the start of the day), and feel cheated, while others would criticize the decision to pay the newer workers extra as a gift, or charity. We see this kind of judgment ALL THE TIME concerning charitable giving...how dare someone be wealthy, they should give their money away! Again, that's a personal perspective, and projecting what you think you would do onto another is wrong...judgmental...and intruding on their personal journey, as if you think you know what choices they should make.

Anyway, I'm beginning to rant a bit...what I find interesting, as that the parable is usually interpreted as an illustration of how it doesn't matter at what point in your life you "find Jesus" or "find God", you will not be treated any differently in Heaven, even if it's the final hour. Yet I find that interpretation very limiting, and I believe it goes much deeper than that (please see yesterday's blog to understand that I'm merely sharing my own interpretation in case you're interested...your own interpretation is valued and respected!)

I think that this parable touches on many aspects of "But that's not FAIR!" and basically warns to steer clear of this judgment...mind your own business, go about your merry way, and don't criticize how another spends their money or distributes their things...the Matthew version of the parable says, "Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own?" In one of the Hadith versions, Allah says, "Have I withheld part of your right?...It is My Blessing, I bestow upon whoever I wish."

I end with my own saying: Strive for fairness as you would strive for perfection, knowing you will never get there, but accepting compromise and progress.